A Good Friend Is…Intentional

And intentional I am not. A friend of mine lost their dog the other day and then found it. I meant to text: “I’m so glad you found your dog!” You know, because I was. But I never did. There is a difference between having good intentions and being intentional. I think a lot of us have loads of good intentions. Does this sound familiar? “Let’s hang out sometime.” “We should totally do that activity.” “Hey I want to come to one of your games.” We’ve all done this with a friend at some time or another, but for whatever reason all our promises are for not. Being intentional means we follow through.

But Kim, you say, didn’t you just talk about following through already?

Why yes, yes I did.

I think.

Being intentional and following through go hand in hand. That’s for sure. And I won’t even go in depth about how the two have differences. That’s not the point.

The point is intention. I’m pinpointing this one because it’s virtually nonexistent at times. It’s like we’ve lost the art of sticking to our promises and following through.

The problem:

Me Culture. Social media’s thrown a lot of this kind of mentality in our faces. “If it doesn’t make you happy, forget it.” That’s talking about people, too. I don’t want to give you the impression that we should stay in harmful situations, but this whole idea of getting out when it gets uncomfortable prevents us from seeing the benefits of perseverance, and it’s also impacted our tendency to be a little selfish. I mean, don’t just blame it on society, the problem’s within us already.

Busy Schedules. Remember the days when you got up, took care of farm work, spent time in community, and that was it? Okay, I’ve never experienced that. Life in this millennium is fraught with activities and opportunities and instant communication. And it’s all made us VERY busy. We have very little time to just sit down and BE. To sit down and write a letter. To have to the opportunity for spontaneity and making new friends while still having time for the old ones. We are distracted, and we like it. We can think about our good intentions in a passing thought, but don’t have time to make the effort to turn good intentions into intention.

The solution:

Follow the fitness industry mantra: “Make the change today. Not tomorrow.” Or something like that. Do not let yourself forget your good intentions. Set your distractions aside and your fear aside (I’ll be talking about that early next month). And simply do what you intended to do. This applies for all areas of life, but right not I’m talking about friendship.

“Do things today that tomorrow you will be proud of.”

Take the deeper step in your friendships, so that when tomorrow comes, you will have friendships that stand the test of history and time and heartache and difficulty. There is no solution, except to just do it. Don’t put that text, that phone call, that plan to get together, off any longer.

via Celestine Chua. Flickr.com

via Celestine Chua. Flickr.com

What Will Dates Be Like in 100 Years?

https://www.flickr.com/photos/lac-bac/

https://www.flickr.com/photos/lac-bac/

Have you ever wondered that? I haven’t really, not until I used this widget that came up with blog post titles. It wasn’t really something I thought I’d explore until the widget gave me the inspiration. So I thought, hey why not?

What do you think dates will be like in 100 years?

I see a lot more virtual interaction. We already meet online, so I don’t see it as any stretch whether we’ll interact online. I think the way we interact will be different, but not how. I think we’ll still try to make ourselves look as good as possible.

Hmm, or maybe we’ll go back to the formal courtship where we have to have a chaperone at all times. Or maybe dating will be completely meaningless and we’ll just throw ourselves at each other because we no longer know the meaning of intimacy.

What road are we going down?

The Word: Paint, the Challenge: Five Minute Friday

Some Fridays, when I remember, I talk part in a little exercise called “Five Minute Friday.”

The only thought that comes to mind when I think of the word “paint” is my love of the practice. I’ve never been an artist, I’ve never been good at stick figures. It’s not my natural gift, and it’s not my craft. I really have no desire to get better at it, but I love doing it.

paint

Painting is a release. If you’ve been following my blog for a while, I’ve talked about it before. It’s my release because I’m not challenged by other people’s opinions of my work. It’s my release because I feel no pressure to present a great project to the general public.

That’s the problem with dreams: they come with a price. The price is that at the end of all the hard work, you’re supposed to have something successful. Because that’s what you tell yourself – I must show the world that I can be successful. I wish we didn’t do that to ourselves, but it happens to us more than we’d like to admit.

But not painting. The act itself is what comes to mind when I was presented the word, because to me it represents a simple freedom from myself and my self-induced pressure.

Do you have a hobby or passion that’s simply a release for you?

Five Minute Friday

 

Take Your Relationship Further: Ask Your Spouse Questions

Photography by Jenna

Photography by Jenna

Last week’s marriage post finished off ways to make the most of your time with your spouse. One of the ways to do that is to ask good questions, deep questions, silly questions, and mundane questions. My husband and I do this a lot; it’s a good way to spend a dinner date when you’re not sure what else to talk about or you don’t want to keep bringing up your kids, pets, friends, in-laws, etc. Asking random questions reveals your spouse’s heart in ways you can’t by just sharing about your day or problem-solving your latest home project. Asking questions means you’re still dating your spouse, and that’s important!

Below is a lengthy, but not exhaustive, list of questions to ask your spouse. I encourage you to come up with questions that match your own personality and build on your own history, but these are a good start if you’ve never been in the habit of this before.

Start easy:

  1. What’s your favorite color?
  2. What’s your favorite movie?
  3. What’s your favorite book?
  4. What’s your favorite musician?
  5. What is your idea of a dream vacation?
  6. How many kids do you want? (unless, of course, you’re done having kids)
  7. What sport did you play in high school?
  8. What’s your favorite food?
  9. What’s your favorite meal we cook together?
  10. What’s the best gift you’ve ever been given?

Why these questions? Because the answers to these questions will change over time. My favorite color changes every season. They seem like answers you should know as your spouse’s best friend, because you should know. So asking them again from time to time keeps you in the loop about your best friend, and if an acquaintance asks what kind of cake they should bring to your surprise birthday bash, you’ll know the answer right away.

Get imaginative:

  1. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
  2. What would be your dream job?
  3. What country do you want to visit before you die?
  4. If you could only eat at one restaurant for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?
  5. What does your dream house look like?
  6. What is your ideal workout?
  7. What’s something you really want for a gift but don’t think you will ever get?

Why these questions? Because life with your spouse should be fun and silly. And this is a way for you to better understand the personality of your spouse. You will never stop learning about how your husband works, what makes him tick. If you try hard enough, there is always something new to learn.

Get deep

  1. What is your greatest fear?
  2. What’s one thing you really like about yourself?
  3. What’s one thing you really like about me?
  4. What’s one thing you’re unhappy about yourself?
  5. What’s your biggest goal for this month? This year?
  6. What’s something on your bucket list that we can work on accomplishing?
  7. What is one of your biggest regrets?
  8. How can I better love you this week?

Why these questions? Sometimes I think that we have this idea that once we get married, we know almost everything about our spouse. We’ve asked all the big questions during dating, and we’ve learned all about their past. But your husband is not just his past. He is always changing and growing and learning and falling down and getting up. Marriages run into trouble when the couple thinks they have their counterpart figured out. But we don’t. While my husband’s mind isn’t running a mile a minute like mine is (men just aren’t wired that way), I still don’t know everything he is thinking and feeling.

Get quirky

  1. You’re in a room without doors or windows with a bear, a lion, and a puma. You only have a foot-long PVC pipe to protect you. Based on your knowledge of these three animals, how do you stay alive?
  2. Say you have to make a career switch when you’re 62 years old (three years before retirement). What career would you choose?
  3. What pet would you rather have? A chinchilla, an iguana, or a skunk? And why?
  4. Would you rather have your mind serve as an mp3 player so you can listen to music whenever you want or be able to watch your dreams on television?

Why these questions? Men and women are different. Individuals are different. When you ask silly questions like this that don’t really seem to have a point, you learn about their preferences and strengths and how their minds work in an indirect way. You see into the creative mind that is your husband’s – for we are all creative. Never forget that.

Turn it around:

  1. What’s MY favorite movie?
  2. What is MY favorite way to relax?
  3. What do you think MY superpower should be?
  4. What is MY best trait?
  5. What is MY love language?
  6. What is MY ideal vacation?

Why these questions? Adam and I just started doing this recently, and found it was both fun and insightful. I found that Adam knows me better than I know myself sometimes. I found that though I thought something else (for example, my favorite color was pink for a while), Adam observed different things (I hardly wear or own any pink things, and always tend to pick a different color combination). If it’s a bigger issue than a favorite color – like I think I’m being kind, but really I’m being a snob – I can adjust my actions as needed.

What are some questions of your own that you can ask your spouse? Answer in the comments below!

Giveaway: $500 April Showers Cash Giveaway

 

AprilShowers

Welcome to the $500 April Showers Cash Giveaway!

As a blogger, I’ve been wanting to do a giveaway for a while. To say thanks for everyone who takes part in Savvy Wifey, to promote the blog, what have you. Since this is my first one, I didn’t want to go solo, so I’ve partnered up with several other bloggers to bring you a nice-sized prize. Who doesn’t want an extra $500 to deal with the gloomy spring weather?

You have lots of opportunities to enter, just check out the Rafflecopter widget below and see all the ways to enter. Some you can do more than once. The giveaway ends on ­­­­April 22, and one lucky winner will be randomly chosen.

Yay! I’m excited! Make sure to spread the word!

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Enter to win $500 cash via PayPal.

Complete the tasks below to earn entries into this giveaway.

Refer your friends using your unique link to earn even more chances to win.

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Ends at 11:59pm EDT on April 22nd, 2014.

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